we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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