Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
