She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
