Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
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