time to smoke my breakfast
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
