he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
