Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
