Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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