The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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