i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
