The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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