when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
