Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
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