My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Randomize
