duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
