I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
