I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
