the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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