That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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