Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
