Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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