fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
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dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
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I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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