youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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