It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
She bit a glass in half.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize