The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
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