Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Randomize
