I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
