i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
