i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
