The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
We left the knife in your bed.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
