I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
operation have a gay friend backfired
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
