yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
