I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
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I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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