Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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