I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize