I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
