I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex