Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.