This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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