Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Randomize
