He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
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Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
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What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
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