Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
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In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
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