If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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