I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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