do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
