I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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