Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
