i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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