Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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