Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 608 share tweet
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
