But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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