And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
We left an ass print on the piano.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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