Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
