dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Girls should come with a carfax report
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Randomize
