So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
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dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
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This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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