people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Randomize
