Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
