2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Randomize
