Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
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