Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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