eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
