Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
