12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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