Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
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I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
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Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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