the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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