We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
